Booked a Career Session… Should I Have Booked Therapy Instead?
After months of research and sleepless nights, I finally sent out applications to my potential universities. My hands were busy, my hopes were high—and then came the quiet realization that from here on, all I could do was wait.
‘You have a decision letter posted in your Application status portal.’
This feeling still gives me chills all over my body. Excited to open the mailbox, I tapped on the link in no time, and my eyes were searching for just one word: ‘Congratulations’. To my surprise, all I could read was, ‘We are sorry to inform you,’ and I didn’t even read the rest. I remember my mom coming running out of the kitchen, and my dad took a break from his Daily News just to see me not get into the university I had applied to. Honestly, it didn’t hurt because the score was 1 out of 4. Days turned into weeks, and the number of rejections was nearing 3 out of 4.
To get feedback on my profile, I contacted the Heads of Departments (HODs) of those universities to know the reasons for my rejections. They were very cooperative and, in a way, told me that I was applying for the wrong course. I am a PT, and Physiology is not for me. The main reason for all my rejections was a lack of wet lab experience. The first thing I did was Google what that even meant. And this is what it said: ‘A wet lab is one where drugs, chemicals, and other types of biological matter can be analysed and tested using various liquids.’ I was taken aback by the fact that, in no case, I, as a PT, could possibly enter the field of R&D.
I was aiming for Winter 2022, but I could not see it happening due to my rejections. So, I thought of playing smart this time. I approached an ambitious university and was interviewed before my application. Of course, I made the HOD well aware of my career switching plans, and he was enthralled to have me on board.
Two weeks later, I received the email of my dreams. ‘Welcome aboard, Dr. Patil. We would like to have you as our MS student.’ I was asked to apply right after Christmas, as nobody would respond until the holidays were over. But the ‘Why wait? Let’s just get done with this. ‘ attitude made me apply the very next day after getting a confirmation email from their end.
After two weeks, I followed up, and I was told, ‘We will send you the official document soon so that you can start your visa processing.’ Again, after two weeks, I followed up. This time, I did not get any response for more than 24 hours, and this was unusual for him. My heart knew something was wrong. Later on, I received an email, and as soon as I opened it, I saw two long paragraphs. This time too, all I could read was, ‘We are sorry.’ My heart stopped. I remember asking him to connect with me on Zoom as soon as possible, and I’m glad he did. Those 15 minutes were by far the toughest 15 minutes of my life, as I had to convince him as much as I could to get me on board. His response was, ‘I wanted to have you as our student as your profile looks great, but the committee said NO because you lack knowledge of genomics.’ I told him that I would take extra credits to get there, but he said it does not work like that, and, of course, the call had to end.
The Lowest Low
I remember hugging my father and crying for hours. I called up my two best friends and just cried. I couldn’t sleep that night. The next morning, I woke up to texts from five different people saying, ‘I’m sorry to hear that, ‘ ‘I’m sorry this happened to you.’ My father angrily said, ‘What if somebody wants to learn something new? Is he not even allowed to do that in these big nations? You have 10,000 universities, but you can’t even take a single course of your choice?’ Unfortunately, the damage was already done. Nicer words could have done nothing. I remember googling therapists near me and taking my first session two days later. To my surprise, my application got selected at one, and I had no choice left. The whole point of taking therapy was to get rid of the feeling that my career is over, and it is one of the most horrible feelings one can have, right after graduating.
Preparing for the Highest high
Therapy taught me a lot. Questioning ‘why me?’ would never have done any good to me, and hence, I was taught how to process a feeling of discomfort and that it is okay to feel the grief. Rejections taught me that the stronger the willpower, the higher you fly. My mother used to say this, which I realise now as an adult. She said, “You can never control who comes into your life and who walks out; you cannot decide how beautiful you wish to be because you were born with it; you can only groom yourself. Partners, relationships, friends, or opportunities happen only when they are destined to be, but your career is something that only you can make. It is something that you could control and mould.” And that’s when I decided that, in no capacity, I was going to let my dream of becoming a Researcher be shattered.